Instilling Values in Small Children Through Reading-

Instilling Values in Small Children Through Reading -

Article 3 in a Series to Parents 

by Dr. Edward  E. Green

General Manager of Family Literacy Centers, Inc. 

From the moment their baby comes into the world, parents hope he will grow to be a person with firm moral values - someone who is kind, fair and responsible.  Negative influences from TV and other forms of media and declining morals in society at large make this difficult.  It’s necessary for parents to access every kind of help that they can.  Most of the training in values happens in the family, through examples and teaching, but there are other useful resources as well.  This article discusses ways that activities with books can help parents teach values to very young children.   

The introduction to this series explained that giving love to babies increases brain growth, which in turn enhances the ability to learn and develop properly.  Giving love also helps produce a moral child.  An affectionate home environment enables a child to develop emotionally.  Research tells us that children of loving parents are more likely to accept and live by the parents’ standards.  Young children especially behave in certain ways primarily to please parents because they want love and acceptance.   But it is not enough simply to have loving feelings:  parents have to demonstrate loving feelings, by touch, words, and actions. 

Studies show that children who feel loved are able to show love for others.  As one writer put it, “One way to bring up a moral child is to bring up a loving child.”  The best way to have a loving child is to be a loving parent.  Children who feel loved find it easier to share, and to be kind and helpful.  Cuddling with your child and reading together is an important way to show affection.  Being physically close and sharing an enjoyable activity reinforces the message that you care.   

Some stories provide a way to talk about love, even with children too little to understand all the words on the page. 

MOM [TO CHILD]:  Mommies love their children always, don’t they?   

This dad is not reading all the words, just talking about the pictures. 

DAD: This book is about a daddy and his little boy.  Which person is the little boy?

Yes, that’s right.  His daddy loves him.  They’re going to have fun together. 

They’re going in the car.  What’s mom doing?

CHILD: Waving by-by.

DAD: Yes she is.  And here they are out camping.  They like being together.  [THEY TURN THE PAGE] Oh dear the tent fell down.  Daddy will get him out. 

MOM: The little boy is scared.  His daddy is giving him a hug.  Your daddy loves you too.  Give me a hug. 

Stories can be used to teach rules and show models of behavior - both good and bad.

Children need models of good behavior.  From about the age of three, they can learn from models in stories.  Many good children’s stories make a moral point of some kind that can be used to teach what is right and wrong.  For example, the ever popular story “The Three Bears” introduces a rude little girl who uses and destroys other people’s things without permission.   

Many other familiar fairy tales talk about a struggle between good and bad as well.  Think of Cinderella, who is loving and kind in spite of ill treatment, or the little Red Hen who works hard for her family in contrast to the other animals who are lazy and selfish.   

“The Little Engine That Could” is a story about perseverance and determination.  Other stories state rules of behavior outright.  Older children don’t like to be preached to like this, but toddlers love these stories. Notice how the parent talks about the rules and applies them to the youngster. 

MOTHER [READING]: Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy are good friends.  Do you have a friend? A friend will help you tie your shoe.  A friend will let you play with his favorite toy.”  Do you let Mark play with your best toys.  Yes you do!  You are a good friend to Mark. 

DAD [READING}:  “I love little pussy, her coat is so warm/ And if I don’t hurt her she’ll do me no harm/ So I’ll not pull her tail, nor drive her away/ but pussy and I very gently will play.”

DAD: I feel happy when you treat our kitty gently. 

A key principle of raising a moral child is to teach definite rules.  However, young children do not have the intellectual capacity or the experience to understand general concepts.  It’s important to tell a child what to do instead of what not to do.  For example, you can tell a two year old not to bang his truck around or it will break.  But he can’t generalize this rule to another toy and may turn around five minutes later and start breaking a doll.  Parents have to keep repeating the rule as it applies to other toys until the child understands that the “no breaking” rule applies to all the toys.

Pre-schoolers need rules that are very specific.  It is not enough to say “be nice,” or “share your toys,” because young children won’t know what that means.  Reading stories together can help you teach your rules in a specific way. 

MOM [READING]

But our fish said, “No! No!”

Make that cat go away!

Tell that Cat in the Hat

You do NOT want to play.

He should not be here.

He should not be about.

He should not be here

When your mother is out!”

[TO CHILD]  We’ve read this story before.  Do you think the children should let someone in when their mother was out? 

CHILD:  No.  The Cat in the Hat made a terrible mess.

MOM:  Yes.  I sure hope you won’t let someone in the house when I am out.

MOM [READING]:  “Everyone likes the polite elephant.  He knows the right thing to say and do.  When the polite elephant waits for the bus, he takes his place in line.  He never pushes or shoves.”  Isn’t that nice!

MOM:  The polite elephant is a good guest.  He knows that some rooms are for sitting and others are for playing.  When it’s time for the polite elephant to go home, he remembers to thank his friends.  “Thank you,” he says.  “I’ve had a nice time.”

MOM:  Can you say that?  “Thank you. I’ve had a nice time.”

CHILD [COPYING MOTHER]: Thank you.  I’ve had a nice time.

MOM:  Perfect.  Some day you can say that to your friends. 

In order to be kind to others, a child must learn to understand others’ feelings.  Many child development experts believe that babies are born with some feelings of empathy for others.  Certainly children ages two and three understand that people have feelings.  By age four most children have a sufficient understanding of emotions to play act other people’s feelings. 

Stories are a good way to focus on emotions and teach children that their behavior can make other people feel good or bad. 

PARENT:  Let’s read about a little kite that learned to fly.  We’ve flown kites before, haven’t we? 

CHILD:  Is this about a kite like ours?

PARENT:  Let’s read it and find out. 

CHILD:  I didn’t know kites could be afraid.

PARENT:  Well, we’re all afraid sometimes.  Have you ever been afraid to do something?

CHILD:  I was afraid to jump in the water last week and swim to dad. 

PARENT: Doing it wasn’t as bad as you thought was it? 

CHILD:  No, and I felt good when I did it and didn’t get hurt.  PARENT:  So it’s important we try some things isn’t it - even when we’re not sure about being able to do it. 

It takes many years to instill values in children.  Parents need to be patient and understanding.  One of the causes of child abuse is the unrealistically high expectations some adults have of children.  For example, it’s very normal for two and three year olds to hit or shove, because they haven’t learned to use words to get what they want.   

Until children are about five they can’t distinguish clearly between reality and fantasy.  So they tell some tall tales occasionally.  This isn’t lying and shouldn’t be punished.  And sometimes tired, hungry, or ill children sometimes just behave badly and need a little patience.   

There are many good books on patterns of normal child development.  Your local librarian can give you suggestions.  Such books are very helpful in knowing what is reasonable to expect from children at various stages. Books are wonderful resources for all ages.